Star Warts
by Starkiller85
Summary: Chapter 2 is up! ObiWan and Anakin are in a huge battle on Naboo to save Senator Amidala, but problems keep getting in the way...like General Grievous, and a smelly Lieutenant, and what are star warts?
1. Galactic 7 11

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Obi-Wan Kenobi (damn!), Anakin Skywalker (He's a whiner anyway), or any other of the characters from the wonderful Star Wars Saga, that's all Mr. Lucas and Lucasfilms!

**Summary:** Pretty much I was just bored and decided to try and write something funny for once. It's just a spoof on everything and is supposed to be funny, so I hope you enjoy it! Anyway, Anakin and Obi-Wan are supposed to be trying to save Senator Amidala from a huge battle the Republic and the Sepratists are waging in and around the Naboo Royal Palace! Will they be able to save her and bring peace back to the galaxy? And how will they get rid of those weird Star Warts?

**Star Warts**

"Hurry and bring the next battalion around Commander. We need to give Obi-Wan and young Anakin more time to infiltrate the palace!" ordered Master Jedi Mace Windu from his crouched position behind a tree.

"Yes Sir!" the Commander said, not looking at the Master Jedi crouched near him. "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you crouching behind that tree? The Sepratists are all on the other side, there is no need to hide..." but the Commander was stopped there as Mace suddenly got up and walked over beside him.

"I know they are Commander, but that 72 oz. Big Gulp I got at the Galactic 7-11 we'd stopped at really had me needing to...meditate."

The Commander smacked his head, cursing himself for not getting a slushie when he had had the chance. Suddenly the CommLink on the Commander's belt came on, "Commander, we're in position," the voice of his Lutinent said.

"Good, start the battle as soon as you see the Sepratists heading for the palace," the Commander ordered. "Yes Sir...and Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Why did the chicken cross the galaxy?"

The Commander sighed, he hated his Lutinent's stupid jokes, "Why?"

"To get to the other side!"

The Commander rolled his eyes, "Do you even know what a chicken is?"

The Lutinent was quiet a moment and then a distinct sound of air going 'pfft' was heard over the CommLink. "Lutinient! How many times must I tell you not to fart over the CommLink?"

"Sorry Sir, it was those burritos I had at the Galactic 7-11, does it to me everytime!"

Again, the Commander cursed himself for not getting his slushie, while Mace Windu pondered the competence of the men around him.

Meanwhile, some people were trying to be productive in this battle, although it seemed one was also trying to sabatoge the whole thing as well.

Master Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi wasn't having the best day. He had been woken up early by some clone that said the Sepratists were planning on attacking Naboo, and that was taboo, and that now they all had something to do! He had continued rhyming crap like that the whole time until Obi-Wan had thrown him out of his room. Then on their way to Naboo they had stopped by a 7-11 and they had been out of Mars Bars, damn them. And finally, he was now in this huge battle and his own Padawan was trying to kill himself and everything around him!

It really wasn't Anakin's fault though, Obi-wan thought while slicing through Droids, making them into interesting geometric shapes for the hell of it. He never had been able to control the force very well anyway, and today Anakin's head was clouded. Not with the Dark Side mind you, but by snot. Yes, snot. Anakin had a wicked cold which included laboured breathing, stiff joints (The mystery of Darth Vader revealed! He had a really bad cold the whole time!), and his small ability to use the Force had went on vacation. Everytime he tried to use it, it either didn't work, or exploded with such force (haha the force of the Force!) Anakin had almost killed himself, and more importantly, Obi-Wan about a dozen times now. Obi-Wan sighed dramatically, how could his day get any worse?

The two Jedi did have a mission though. The Sepratists had invaded the royal palace of Naboo where they were to kidnap Senator Amidala. The Jedi's mission was to save her from this and so they were heading to her quarters at that moment. They ran down the large hallway, killing off the occasional Droid when they saw something odd.

There in front of them was a droid...dancing. Except it wasn't doing a cool dance like 'The Robot' nope, it was doing an odd jigg while singing the "Dancing Queen" song. Anakin thought this was weird, but was much more disturbed when his Master suddenly burst out with, "Oh my Force! That is my favorite song!" and had started singing and dancing as well.

Anakin knew his Master had always been a bit of a...girly man, so to speak. He liked to look at himself in all the mirrors they passed by, knew and loved songs like "Dancing Queen" and Anakin had had to swear an oath saying he would never reveal that Obi-Wan got his eyebrows waxed all the time. Anakin sneezed again, rather forcefully. In fact he sneezed so hard, that he had thrown himself off balance and fell into the droid that was still singing. He knocked them both to the ground and groaned. Man was he having a bad day.

He quickly got up and used the Force to try and help the droid up that was wailing at having fell down. But nothing happened. Anakin grunted, stupid Force, and again waved his hand at the droid, and still nothing. The Droid snickered at Anakin and his obvious lack of skills, which only made Anakin more angry. He furiously waved his hand around and finally something happened. The Droid was suddenly thrown in the air. With a loud yelp the Droid suddenly found himself going through the window and out of sight.

"Oops, sowwy Master," Anakin tried to get out as best he could, but all the snot shoved up his nose and throat had made him sound like his former 9 year old self that Obi-Wan had first taken on.

Obi-Wan pouted, his lip protuding out in an attractive way, just in case someone was looking at him other than Anakin. He folded his arms over his chest, "I can't believe you threw my groove off like that! Bad Padawan, bad!" he said as he flicked Anakin on the nose, much like someone would do to a misbehaving puppy.

Anakin unintentionally got his revenge though as his nose reacted badly to being flicked and he sneezed all over Obi-Wan's hand. "Ewww! Ani!" Obi-Wan squealed, wiping his hand on the wall, trying to get the offending snot off of his hand. Sometimes having the Chosen One as a Padawan was really bad, and to think all the other Jedi were jealous! Just imagine their faces if they knew he had to deal with snot and crazy Force situations all the time.

"Sowwy Master!" Anakin tried, but was then interrupted by someone much more ill then he was.

"What have we here? A Master Jedi degrading the walls of a royal palace with his Padawan's...snot?" General Grievous made a face, causing him to go into a coughing fit. When he had finished he looked at the two Jedi who were playing patty cake with each other, "Hey! I'm talking to you two!" he said, smiling as he saw Obi-Wan faulter and lose the rhythm he had had.

Obi-Wan pouted again, "Why does everyone keep throwing my groove off!" he demanded to know.

Anakin rolled his eyes and sneezed again, as General Grievous silently aimed his blaster at Obi-Wan's head.

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

Well what did you think? Horrible? Vile? Made you gag while you read it? Please review and tell me whatever you thought, I love hearing from people! )


	2. King of the Planet

**Star Warts**

"Master, duck!" Anakin yelled as General Grievous shot his blaster. Obi-Wan was quick though and because of Anakin's warning, was able to move out of the way in time.

"Hey! Why'd you shoot at me you big bag of bolts?" Obi-Wan asked as he fixed his soft, wavy hair back into place. Anakin rolled his eyes at his Master's lack of ability to think of a good insult, but otherwise stayed silent.

General Grievous sneered at them, or at least as much as a droid _could_ at someone. "Because you were dancing, that's why!" he said, making Obi-Wan look at him funny and Anakin to sneeze as he snorted laughing.

"Don't laugh! It's true, I hate anyone who dances! It fills my heart, body, and soul with hate until I can feel nothing else but the rage and then I have to kill whoever's dancing, just to make it stop!" he roared at them.

Anakin thought the Sepratists really needed to screen their employees a little more throughly before hiring them, "Droids don't have hearts and souls," he pointed out.

General Grievous looked afronted, "I do too have a heart, see?" he said as he moved his breast plate, showing his beating heart. Anakin looked at it closely, always having been interested in machinery, "Wow, that's _weird_!" he said.

Obi-Wan smacked his head with his hand, why didn't his own padawan know by now **not** to tell evil generals with anger issues that could very easily kill them if they really went off that they were 'weird'? "You think I'm weird? I can't help what I am you know! How would you feel if you were some special being that no one else was like in the world and that everyone wanted a piece of, huh? Well, huh!" General Grievous yelled.

Anakin decided it was not a good time to explain about the whole 'Chosen One' thing, "Errh," he said as he backed slowly away thinking of something to do to get Grievous to go away, "Why don't you wike people dancing?" Okay that wasn't the best diversion, but it would do for the moment.

General Grievous eyed them suspiciously, "Do you really want to know?" he asked as Anakin had another sneezing fit. He nodded his head, sniffing up all the snot that was threatening to escape. Grievous pushed a button on his forearm, making both Jedi wary, but instead only a tissue popped out. "Here, you little snot nosed Jedi, its Puffs, my personal favorite," he said handing the tissue to Anakin. He took it gratefully, blowing his nose loud and long. He handed the used tissue to Obi-Wan, who suddenly became aware of how much of a mommy he was, as he tucked it into a pocket. _Chosen One my ass! Having to keep his dirty tissues..._ Obi-Wan thought darkly of all the mean things he could do to Anakin, like putting his light saber where the suns didn't shine, but started paying attention again as he seen General Grievous was, crying?

"And then all the other droids laughed at me! **Laughed**! They said droids weren't supposed to become dancers for Jabba the Hutt. They said I wasn't a real droid, that I was a, a," he started wailing at this point in a high tone that sounded suspiciously like what a motorbike sounded like right before it overheated and blew up. Neither Jedi asked what the other droids had called Grievous, but instead patted him on the shoulder as they quickly and quietly snuck past him and on down the hallway. They could still hear him crying as they started climbing the staircase to the second story of the palace.

Anakin took the lead, knowing very well where the Senator's bed chambers were. "Anakin, shouldn't we stop to see where the Senator's rooms are?" Obi-Wan asked as he stopped at a large sign on the wall. Anakin smoothly turned around, tripped on his cloak and fell on his face. "Anakin, what are you doing? Get over here!" Obi-Wan called to him again. Anakin got up, glaring at the floor, and walked to Obi-Wan who was looking at a large map of the palace. He knew exactly where they were by it too. There was a large red X marking on the map where they were with text underneath it saying, "You are Here!" and a big smiley face.

"Hmmm, it seems that we need to continue down this hallway, take a right, then a left, and then its the..." but Anakin interuppted Obi-Wan, "Fworth door on the left, now can we go?" he asked impatiently. "How did you know it was right there? You weren't looking at the map!" Obi-Wan said accusingly.

Anakin was panicked for a minute, then decided to use the best and most vague excuse all Jedi used, "I just used the Force Master, that's all!" he said innocently and clearly for once. "Oh well okay then, let's go!" Obi-Wan said brightly and they began their way to the Senator's rooms.

Back outside the palace walls, a huge battle had occured. Luckily though the Republic had come out on top again, literally. Instead of the usual battle, Mace Windu and Lord Dooku had decided to see who won the palace with a good game of 'King of the Planet'. The general premises being that everyone would try to get to the top of some hill or other and whoever could be the one to stay up there permanantly, would be King and win.

There had been a few problems, such as Naboo didn't seem to have any hills nearby, so Mace and Dooku had simply ordered their troops to all pile on top of each other to make a hill. Then after that was done, the two had climbed their way up the mountain of bodies and through the complaints of the troops, "I'm hot!" "You're stepping on my hand!" "Get your hand away from my no-no area!" they had gotten to the top and had began a spectacular duel with each other.

It had ended up with Windu winning as he had said, "Hey, look! Bush finally found the weapons of mass destruction!" and had shoved Dooku off the pile when he had turned to hopefully see one of the galaxy's oldest mystery's solved.

Mace Windu sat on the hill of...life forms, and took a breather. It had been a long time since he had been in any sort of game. The last he was pretty sure was when the Jedi had had their 1,000 year reunion and he was now the Grand Master of the Wheel Barrow along with Master Yoda. You know that little green guy made a great wheel barrow!

Suddenly Windu felt a deep disturbance in the Force. No wait, it was just something that smelled really bad! "What is that?" Mace looked around him, he couldn't seem to find out where that horrible stench was coming from, and then he heard it. It was short and low, but the smell that came afterwards was anything but that. The 'pfft' he heard was coming from right beside him.

"Lieutenant!"

"Yes Sir?"

"You are forbidden to ever, _ever_ get burritos from the Galactic 7-11 again, understand?"

"Yes Sir," the Lieutenant said sullenly. Mace scrunched up his face and decided that he needed to go see how Master Kenobi and young Anakin were doing in the palace, it might smell better there.

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

Well there's the second chapter to this hopefully funny story! Though I did get **10** reviews! Holy Cow! And none of them were flamers! It astounded me. lol But thank you all so much for them, and I can just hope that it all continues! I'll try to update again soon!


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